I finally, after literally years of trying, managed to start cleaning out my closet and replacing stuff. It's amazing how much of my clothing is either rags, designed for someone a decade my junior, or both. That was a hell of a mental block. But now that I've started I want to do it ALL AT ONCE and it's so frustrating that clothes cost money and money is limited. Also there's this one fashionable girl at the office who kindly compliments me on every new thing I wear which is nice, but I'd rather seamlessly transition from tomboy-hobo to properly dressed adult without anyone noticing. But I guess they already all noticed I dressed like a crazy person and were just too nice to say.
I want one of those makeover shows to suddenly appear and give me thousands of dollars and some fashion designers to tell me what to spend it on. They'd probably make me throw out my t-shirts, though. I managed to toss some of the stained and ragged jeans, but the t-shirt collection just got put in a box in the closet. It's a work in progress.
All week things have been reminding me about the work I don't have to do. Someone asked how it's going being a research assistant instead of a teaching assistant, and if it was nice having so much less work. Which it is, I could be grading ninety exams right now but instead I'm waiting for someone to send me maybe two or three hours of proofreading. Someone asked me if I was one of the people taking a comprehensive exam next weekend and no, I'm not. No major exam this semester.
And yet, stress is still eating me alive. I got an infected cuticle (chronic winter problem for me) that lasted for more than a week (that's not so normal). I keep oversleeping drastically, by several hours, which I mostly stopped doing years ago, I guess when I finished growing? I've started listening to albums I used to calm myself down in high school.
Possibly it's time to admit that my stress issues aren't based on other people giving me too much work, and that I'm just terrible at coping with stress. It doesn't seem like it should be that hard to do.
On the one hand, I no longer panic and convince myself I'm going to fail out of school and never amount to anything as a human being every time I have to write a paper. However, I think I've handled the fear of failure by somehow repressing it rather than getting rid of it, because I now get tons of physical stress symptoms instead. Which is probably preferable, but I still get the occasional symptom left over from the horrible chest cold I psyched myself into during finals a year ago.
You'd think I'd eventually learn to stop procrastinating, write the damn papers, and get it over with. But that would be too easy.
Replacement car officially purchased! I'm getting a new (!!) Honda Fit, in bright red. It's not going to be here until the end of the month, but the only colors they had on hand were black and grey, which means grey and grey, because everything in Colorado is constantly covered with dust. So I'm waiting, but I will have a new red car! Who'd have thought? A cheaper used car would have been nice, but it turns out Japanese cars aren't cheap until they're practically falling apart, so I bought a new one. Then I'll have to offer to drive everyone everywhere for a while so they can admire my new red car. Yay!
It's ridiculous how proud of myself I feel when I do normal things like a competent adult. Today's achievements include working on most (but by no means all) of my categories of work, going to the gym, mailing someone something important, paying bills, and not getting appallingly drunk. Oh, and grocery shopping. Really mundane, rock-bottom-basic requirements. But I did them all on one day! And it was Friday, usually I spend Fridays reverting into an undergrad with particularly poor judgement! Go team adult!
The end of the 1st act of Valkyrie is great, but also hilarious. Our hero--the Mysterious Stranger--and Sieglinda have just fallen in love, and it goes like this:
Sieglinda: Yay, we're eloping! Now will you finally tell me your name?
MS: Eh, call me whatever, I don't care.
Sieglinda: I will name you after my twin brother, Siegmund, from whom I was separated as a child. That won't be weird, will it?
MS: Not at all, my name IS Siegmund. Good guess!
Sieglinda: Wait, so you are my brother? Best day ever! I always wanted to marry you!
Siegmund: Yay! Let's go bang.
And then they run away and have a baby. It's cool though, they're half-god so the recessive genes are mostly positive traits. XD Really though, it's a moving love scene and the music is lovely. But, um, weird. This is your brain on eugenics, kids.
Good news: I am fine. Third floor apartment for the win! There was some unwise driving through the flooding on the first night when I didn't realize how bad it was yet, but after that I stayed in and was safe.
Bad news: my car is not fine. Turns out, since Boulder doesn't usually have much rain, they don't require drains at the bottom of sloped driveways. Not that that would have done much good, since apparently the sewer systems were backing up. So yeah, my car was in water up to the top of the tires. And since it is a very, very old car, it sounds like the odds are bad that it'll be worth fixing. Luckily my insurance has some flood coverage, so I'm only out $500 and a car, but...I need that car. I liked that car. I learned to drive in it. It was in fabulous shape for its age. I don't have time to shop for a new car. I've never actually bought a car before, since this one was my mom's before it was mine and she didn't exactly drive a hard bargain. Motherfucker.
So yes, this is my Boulder flood adventure. Sorry I didn't get any good pics, most of the excitement happened at night. Trust me, it was exciting!
Week one survived! With additional dental surgery, to boost the difficulty level. Thank god for Labor Day, the second week of class is an unintuitive time for a holiday until you get to that weekend at which point it seems like the best schedule ever. Whoever put that holiday there, bless you.
Welp, this is it. End of summer. Classes start back up tomorrow. The season of deadlines is upon us. It'll probably actually make me feel better to have more stuff to do and more interaction with people, but on the other hand, my stress level is so much higher during the school year. IDK, I hate dealing with things. It involves, like, energy and stuff.
Laid down for a twenty minute nap, didn't wake up for two hours. And was then of course anaesthetized for the next four, because fucking sleep inertia. Luckily I don't think I intended to get too many things done this evening? At least I hope not because they sure didn't happen. I guess I needed the sleep. Sleep has to be one of the scarcest resources in our society.